A disappointing run.

Earlier tonight I ran a 5k race. Before the race began, I was quite excited and motivated, but also felt a little off. Once I started running, I knew I could keep going, but had thoughts about starting to walk. I told myself that you can do this, but if you absolutely had to, you could walk. Half way through the race, there was a water station, I got a second wind and sped up. Moments later, I started feeling queasy. I wanted to continue to run, but my body had another plan and I ended up getting sick. I wanted to keep going, but I knew I should stop. I walked a little and then sat down on the curb waiting for a family member who was walking in the race.

While I was waiting, I was so disappointed in myself and realized I brought this on myself. Since I started running 5ks, I have walked before, but I have never stopped and sat down. After waiting a while, I started to walk again. I walked probably 1 mile, then I turned my music back on and forced myself to start running.

After finishing the race, I started to think why that would have happened. It didn’t take long to realize I didn’t make the best eating choices today. I knew I had eaten way more than I should have. Even though I still ate healthy, I didn't following portion sizes because I kept telling myself that I could probably burn it off during the race.

My portions lately have been slowly increasing and I need to stop that before it becomes out of control. I need to become more aware of portion sizes and stick with them. I need to remind my mind that I’m not who I used to be and I can’t eat what I used to eat nor can I eat the quantity I used to. My body has obviously gotten the memo, I just need to deliver it to my mind and keep myself reminded of that.

As I type this, I am finally starting to feel a little better (a whole 5 hours after the incident). I am now regretful, upset, angry, disappointed, sad, embarrassed and ashamed that I brought that upon myself.