Aiming For The Bullseye

Recently, I had did something that I thought I never would have done. I went ax throwing and I really enjoyed it. It was a spontaneous decision, but an activity that I have been researching for a while now. When I showed up to the location, I was intimated to say the least. I was excited, but also unsure what exactly I was about to do.

After a brief safety review, I was given my own ax and a lane. When I was getting ready for my first throw, I was so scared that something would go wrong. I lined up, got in the proper stance, grabbed my ax and threw it down the lane. It did not even hit the target, in fact it wasn't anywhere near it! After many more practice throws and more coaching from the professionals, I made it stick for the first time. Boy, was I excited! The feeling that I had as soon as it stuck was unbelievable.

Did I just do that? Yes, I did and I made it into the target! I was so proud of myself. As my confidence grew, I began keeping score! There were many times where my ax would catch close to the bullseye, but not all the way in the red. I really began to have fun and comfortable with it. Towards the end of the lesson, I hit the bullseye! I was so surprised and very proud of myself. I even impressed the professional with my ax being completely in the red circle. Luck must have been on my side during that throw because I honestly wasn't planning on a bullseye! I don't really know how I did it. It only happened once during that entire lesson.

As my time with ax throwing was coming to an end, I found myself thinking about what I just experienced. I thought about how intimating it was initially, how I got so comfortable so quickly and how exciting it was to get that bullseye! I also found myself thinking about something unexpected.

I was reflecting on my weight loss journey! I found myself comparing how intimating

it is to start a weight loss journey and how uncomfortable it is initially as well. I found myself comparing how the more coaching and practice, you have with your weight loss journey, the more confidence you gain. I was so proud for that bullseye and I get so proud of myself as well when I see the number on the scale decreases. I thought about how my goal wasn't to get a bullseye, but to have fun and try something new. Even though, I wasn't confident at the beginning, I didn't give up. I had to have more coaching at one point and correct my stance, but I still continued. Like weight loss, we may need to have more coaching from our support group, we may need correct our habits too if they seem to slip during temptations. As long as we don't give up that the only thing that matters. Yes, it is wonderful to see the numbers on the scale decrease, but what ultimately matters is that I don't give up during the times of weakness. I adjust what I need to and continue on. We, specifically myself, need to remember that if something is worth it, don't give up. Correct what you need to and continue moving forward. You may not always get a bullseye, but don't give up trying!

A New Journey

Last May, I embarked on a journey that would change my entire life. Actually, let me rewind even a few more months. Last January/February, I made a very hard decision that I knew would impact  every single aspect of my life. I made the decision to have Gastric Bypass surgery. At that point, even though I had ran over 40-some timed races, completed in many triathlons and thought I had broken off my relationship with food, I hadn't. I had gained all the weight back that I had previously lost and even found more weight in that process. I can't believe I was back to the weight I was years ago. I had revised the old habits that I thought were dead. I had stopped exercising. I had lost my passion to running, swimming and biking. I had turned back into the woman I thought was long gone. I was giving in to temptations repeatedly. My body were so sore when I tried to walk, I knew getting back into exercising was out of the question. I had made unsuccessful attempts to find that passion of running. It just seemed hopeless, because I was so wore out after very little activity. My eating also landed me in that situation. I went back to sneaking food and making sure I threw the wrappers away before anyone else found out. I was having an affair with food, but I was only cheating on myself and my future. After being blissfully naïve, last January/February, I had enough. I thought long and hard about the decision, was even unsure of what to expect, but I knew I had to be real with myself that I needed the surgery to help me get back to the women I was year ago.

I told some people of the deicsion, but kept it as a secret for the most part because of embrassment. I was embrassed to tell people my story (completed in triahtlons, enoyed running, lost over 180lbs years ago). I guess, deep down, I was not only embrassed with myself, but also humbled that I needed help even though I had done so well on my own before. So, I made the decision last January/Febraury. Fast foward to May 19, 2018. This was the big day! Surprisiely, that morning I was quite calm and quiet. I was not the normally bubbly, excited and goofy woman that I usually am. That was not me at all that day. The nerves really didn't hit me until I got to the hospital and was prepping. I kept trying to stay strong, because I knew it was such a huge deal and I could have gotten very emotional instantly. While I was laying in the bed, hooked up to the IV, I couldn't contain myself anymore. Cue the water works! I don't think I cried so much in such a short time. I was so overcome with emotions at that point. Suddently, I got word that it was go-time.  I just remember praying for courage and strengten over and over again.

In the months ahead, I had challenges of learning how, what and why to eat, what not to eat, how my body would now handle certain foods (and sometimes it seemed like it changes daily).  I hope to use this blog again to share ideas, recipes and lessons learned all the way, but overall, I just want to share My story!

Now, that I am a year post surgery, I sit here again with a wave of emotions. I am humbled at my past, but also very excited about my future. I know it was still be a long road a head of me until I get to my ideal goal weight, but I know the hardest part (this first year) is over. As I type this, I am sitting by the beach on a beautiful Michigan day, drinking my protein shake for lunch and feeling very reflective.

As I look into this Great Lake, I can't help but to think of the next adventure that awaits and I look forward to doing new things that I never thought were possible a year ago!