I also kept believing that the spectators were teasing me while I ran past. I kept having the thought that the spectators were talking to each other and saying “Look at that slow runner” while I was running by. After they said it, my sassy response was “I may be slow, but I am a runner!”. Nobody actually said this while I ran by, nor did I say my cleaver response, however I believe it was my mind doubting my ability and trying to convince me to walk the remainder of the race. I did not let these negative thoughts get in the way, although it seemed like I had to battle them the entire 6.2 miles. I ran every single step and finish it. My time was slower than my previous 10k time, the 15 miles of biking the day before probably didn’t help, but I still did it! I still set that personal goal and achieved it! I felt so accomplished once I ran over the finish line, even using my saved energy to pass the person in front of me at the last minute. Once I finished I felt like I could do anything.
I think the more I run, the more I will continue to build on my distance and also speed. In fact, I have decided that I want to push myself again to run a longer distance, so I’ve decided that I want to run a half marathon this October.I listen to music while I run to help pass the time. Sometimes, even while running in a race, I find myself singing along to the songs. Also, occasionally while still running, I move my arms and pretend to dance. Somehow while keeping up the energy to run, I also find the energy to sing and dance. How? I have no clue. Although I didn’t sing or even dance while running my second 10k, I did notice many people clapping and cheering me one during the run. Or at least I thought I did. While I was running, I thought someone behind me was continuing to clap and cheer me on. I felt like that person probably had something better to do than run behind me clapping for me. I occasionally looked back, but saw no one. I soon realized mid-run that nobody was clapping for me. Instead the clapping I heard was actually the excess skin on the arm “clapping” against itself. Once I realized this, I was so embarrassed and tried to not move my arms as much, but soon realized I needed to be proud that my arms are clapping together. My arms has shrunk to ½ the size it used to be and my excess skin is a reminder of how far I have already come. The “clapping” is just a part of the process and I need to embrace it. Plus, I may have excess skin now, but eventually I won’t.
In addition to running, biking, swimming and zumba, I have begun using arm weights at night to work on tightening and toning my arms. Everytime I use arm weights, I instantly regret it, however I preserve and finish the workout. The soreness will eventually go away the more I do it and so will my excess skin. Since I started regularly using arm weights, I have seen my biceps starting to flex when I want them to. I can see the muscles trying to contract. I haven’t seen this before and I know my 10 pound arm weights are to thank for it.
I am loving the process of getting healthier and seeing my body changing. I often take a 2nd look when I catch of glimpse of myself in the mirror. I can’t believe my body has been changing so drastically since my heaviest weight. I have found “new” collar bones. I call them my “new bones” because I’ve never seen them so prominent before. I also love that the pants I now wear are ½ the size they used to be. My underwear are also ½ the size they used to be. I can now wear t-shirts that are 4 sizes smaller then what I used to be. My waist has gotten smaller, which I’m thankful for, but also my chest and my hips are shrinking, which I’m not too thrilled about. My chest is now a few sizes smaller and my hips are not as wide or “curvy”. I do remind myself that even though my chest and hips are smaller, I can still shake it like nobody’s business at zumba.I’ve decided to change my ultimate goal and my ideal weight. I thought I was 80 pounds away, from my target weight but I’m now about 85 pounds away. I would love to someday say that I lost 250 lbs-the natural way! In order to lose my last 85 lbs, I know I need to keep it up. I need to keep excersizing and eating healthy. I need to persevere. I need to overcome those negative thoughts that try to doubt my abilities. I need to not become upset if I gain a pound or two the morning after a big workout, that’s a part of the process and I need to trust the process. I need to. I will, but most importantly I CAN!