Sharing my story

I wanted to be honest in sharing my story. Everything that was published in the Huffington Post article was true (I.E. taking the large amount of diet pills).  I have come a long way in my journey and learned to embrace the struggles along the way. I have only told a few people about the major struggles I  faced and those who know are extremely supportive and I very much appreciate that. Those who criticize my journey, 1) Don’t know the entire story and 2) haven’t been through my journey. I knew when I shared my story, I may have gotten a few negative comments. I don’t have to satisfy anybody with my journey because after all it’s MY journey.  

It took a lot of courage to be honest with myself and have hopes of inspiring others. Whenever I reread my story, I’m still surprised that I’ve been through those struggles and have improved myself in such a positive way.  

After reading the first few negative comments, I reassured myself that I didn’t need their approval to continue. I also told myself that everybody has haters, even Jesus. I’m going to continue on my journey and ignore those haters. This journey is all about improving myself and I will continue to do so.  I’m so glad that I’ve been receiving such positive comments. I’ve received way more positive and supportive comments than the negative ones. I’m so grateful that my story had been seen by so many people.

For those who read my last blog about my shoeless week, the blister is now healed and I’m back to running. My next 5k is this coming Saturday. During the month of August, I’m going to run in 6 different races, including a 10 mile race at the end of the month. I’m looking forward to that 10 mile challenge. Onward and upward, nobody can pull me down!

I am a strong, determined, positive women and nobody can deny that.

I’m going to change it up a little bit. Instead of blogging every few weeks, starting in August I’m going to write smaller posts daily. I already have a list of topics that I want to cover. I think this will be a fun change to make and will hold me even more accountable.

Overcoming my latest obstacle

Last week, I ran two 5ks within days of each other. My first was Thursday evening and my second was Saturday morning. The race on Thursday went well, it was very hot but I still ran every single step. I used Friday as a lighter day for exercising.  After a short walk on Friday, I noticed a blister was starting to form on my heel. After that walk, I changed my shoes, biked a few miles and then swam. After the swim, I tried my best to get rid of my blister ASAP since I had a 5k the next morning. The blister wasn’t gone by morning, but I still wanted to run. I covered my blister with bandages and prepared for the race. I ran the race, ignoring the pain of the blood blister. After the race, I removed my running shoes as soon as I was able to and noticed the blister doubled in size.

*Picture below was taken after the 5k on Saturday. And yes, my shirt does say "Never Stop" ;)

I’ve been trying to speed up the healing process with Epsom Salt foot baths so it could heal ASAP and I can get back to my normal exercise routine. After doing research, I realized it would take about a week or so to get rid of. So, backless shoes for a while. Once I realized the blood blister would take about a week, I instantly became nervous about working out and eating healthy this upcoming week. I immediately thought that this would be a week without any exercise, also resulting in a week of bad eating habits. On the days I don’t exercise, I have a very hard time continuing to eat healthy. Usually on those days, I start the day off well, but after dinner I start snacking and the snacking continues until way late into the evening.

During these “fat attacks” I tell myself that you are limited to eating what is already in the house, because if I left the house, I would, most likely, buy baked goods or fast food and just let my cravings get the best of me, only to instantly regret it. Needless to say, limiting my “fat attack” to what's in the house is the best alternative. Recently my “fat attacks” have included eating a whole package of baked green beans, Greek yogurt, pretzels, granola bars or cheese. Not as unhealthy as I was used to eating, nevertheless I do not to need to pile on the calories right before bed. Usually I can talk myself out of the cravings, but on days I don’t exercise it’s very difficult. During those cravings, I go back to thinking that I can just restart the next day. When these thoughts come into my mind, I tell myself that if you quit on your diet, you’re just quitting on yourself. Yes, you can restart tomorrow, but what about all the progress you had already today. Are you going to throw that away to eat something that you can wait until the morning to have?

So, you can see why I started to panic after thinking that this would be 1 entire week without exercise. Lucky for me, I thought of some alternatives to the normal exercise routine that won’t involve wearing shoes, such as swimming, biking, workout DVDs, and of course using weights. I’ll need to watch my eating more closely since my workouts won’t be at the intensity they normally are.

I hate to think I caused this blister to happen by not properly taking care of feet. I now know that I need to be better about that in the future. I’ve researched a few ideas that hopefully in the future will prevent more blisters from occurring. For now, I need to stay focused on trying to help this blister to heal so I can lace up my running shoes sooner rather than later. I also need to not rush the healing process because I don’t want to make it worse. And, I shouldn’t completely rule out races at the end of the week because I still could do it, that is if my blister is gone by then, because running with it in the first place was a bad idea.

On the positive side, I felt like I’ve been stuck in a rut with exercising. Usually I do the same activities. I've been wanting to start swimming more, so yesterday I kicked of the week of shoeless workouts by swimming. I ended up swimming 100 laps. My goal for the week is 300 laps. I initially set the goal of 250 laps, but I bumped it up because I knew I could to do more.

I’m going to turn this week into an obstacle that I will overcome and I will prove to myself that you can still workout, exercise and lose weight no matter what the conditions. I’m not totally giving up on running, I’ll get back to it as soon as I can. I don’t like when something interrupts my scheduled routines, but this is an obstacle that I will overcome. I’m determined to keep going. This will not be a slack week and I will not give in to my “fat attacks”. I will continue to exercise and eat healthy this week. I will prove to myself that you can change it up and it’ll be okay. Stay focused on the goals at hand, don’t give into temptations, and most importantly take care of yourself.

Changes

Yesterday, I ran my second 10k. It was such a great accomplishment to be able to run that distance for the 2^nd time within 2 weeks from the first 10k. I did have some difficulties when the race began. I had this thought in my head that I couldn’t do and I just wanted to start walking instead of continuing to run. I kept having to tell myself you CAN do this. You already HAVE done this and you WILL do this. Keep on running. The more the kilometers that passed, the more confident I became. Even though I already ran a 10k, I had doubt that I could do it. I know I had to, once again, prove to myself that you can do everything you set your mind to.

I also kept believing that the spectators were teasing me while I ran past. I kept having the thought that the spectators were talking to each other and saying “Look at that slow runner” while I was running by. After they said it, my sassy response was “I may be slow, but I am a runner!”. Nobody actually said this while I ran by, nor did I say my cleaver response, however I believe it was my mind doubting my ability and trying to convince me to walk the remainder of the race. I did not let these negative thoughts get in the way, although it seemed like I had to battle them the entire 6.2 miles. I ran every single step and finish it. My time was slower than my previous 10k time, the 15 miles of biking the day before probably didn’t help, but I still did it! I still set that personal goal and achieved it! I felt so accomplished once I ran over the finish line, even using my saved energy to pass the person in front of me at the last minute. Once I finished I felt like I could do anything.

 

 

I think the more I run, the more I will continue to build on my distance and also speed. In fact,  I have decided that I want to push myself again to run a longer distance, so I’ve decided that I want to run a half marathon this October.

I listen to music while I run to help pass the time. Sometimes, even while running in a race, I find myself singing along to the songs. Also, occasionally while still running, I move my arms and pretend to dance. Somehow while keeping up the energy to run, I also find the energy to sing and dance. How? I have no clue. Although I didn’t sing or even dance while running my second 10k, I did notice many people clapping and cheering me one during the run. Or at least I thought I did. While I was running, I thought someone behind me was continuing to clap and cheer me on. I felt like that person probably had something better to do than run behind me clapping for me. I occasionally looked back, but saw no one. I soon realized mid-run that nobody was clapping for me. Instead the clapping I heard was actually the excess skin on the arm  “clapping” against itself. Once I realized this, I was so embarrassed and tried to not move my arms as much, but soon realized I needed to be proud that my arms are clapping together. My arms has shrunk to ½ the size it used to be and my excess skin is a reminder of how far I have already come. The “clapping” is just a part of the process and I need to embrace it. Plus, I may have excess skin now, but eventually I won’t.

In addition to running, biking, swimming and zumba, I have begun using arm weights  at night to work on tightening and toning my arms. Everytime I use arm weights, I instantly regret it, however I preserve and finish the workout. The soreness will eventually go away the more I do it and so will my excess skin. Since I started regularly using arm weights, I have seen my biceps starting to flex when I want them to. I can see the muscles trying to contract. I haven’t seen this before and I know my 10 pound arm weights are to thank for it.

I am loving the process of getting healthier and seeing my body changing. I often take a 2^nd look when I catch of glimpse of myself in the mirror. I can’t believe my body has been changing so drastically since my heaviest weight. I have found “new” collar bones. I call them my “new bones” because I’ve never seen them so prominent before. I also love that the pants I now wear are ½ the size they used to be. My underwear are also ½ the size they used to be. I can now wear t-shirts that are 4 sizes smaller then what I used to be. My waist has gotten smaller, which I’m thankful for, but also my chest and my hips are shrinking, which I’m not too thrilled about. My chest is now a few sizes smaller and my hips are not as wide or “curvy”. I do remind myself that even though my chest and hips are smaller, I can still shake it like nobody’s business at zumba.

I’ve decided to change my ultimate goal and  my ideal weight. I thought I was 80 pounds away, from my target weight but I’m now about 85 pounds away. I would love to someday say that I lost 250 lbs-the natural way! In order to lose my last 85 lbs, I know I need to keep it up. I need to keep excersizing and eating healthy. I need to persevere. I need to overcome those negative thoughts that try to doubt my abilities. I need to not become upset if I gain a pound or two the morning after a big workout, that’s a part of the process and I need to trust the process. I need to. I will, but most importantly I CAN!